8 Relationship Myths to Debunk
When you’re sharing your life, your space, and your time with your partner, there are many factors that influence the success of the relationship; and occasionally, popular relationship myths can get in the way.
You are both unique. You come from different backgrounds and upbringings, which means that your expectations of the relationship may be different from one another. You may have grown up learning about what our future relationships and partners “should” be like from culture, societal expectations, the media, and other family members. Often times, when a couple begins living together, those expectations of each other change. The upbringings may clash and mix. It takes time and work to learn about each other and find the middle ground between your habits, preferences, beliefs, and conflict styles. Some expectations, or myths, can create issues within the relationship, especially if communication skills are lacking between you and your partner.
As you read the following myths, think about which ones you might agree or disagree with:
1. If my partner truly loves me, they should be able to know what I want or need to be happy without me telling them.
As human beings, we can’t read each other’s minds, no matter how much time we spend together. We need to communicate what we want or need from our partners in order for them to understand and act upon it. Sometimes, we might even need to repeat ourselves due to the stresses and distractions of daily life.
2. The more I share with my partner, the closer I will feel to them, and the happier we will be.
Open communication is key in a relationship. This doesn’t mean consistently expressing all of our negative thoughts and opinions to our partner. Negative comments are more emotionally powerful than positive ones. If you have something negative to say, create a safe space to do so, encouraging conversation rather than conflict.
3. All of my wants and needs should be fulfilled by my partner.
Couples often start their relationship thinking that all their wants and needs will be fulfilled by their partner, only to realize along the way that this is not the case. While there may be some initial disappointment when you learn that your partner can only bring so much to the table, it is also an opportunity to discover that each person within the partnership is responsible for fulfilling their needs needs, by themselves, with friends, and/or with family members. There are many options!
Example: You want to play volleyball every week but your partner is not a fan of the game. Your friends are, so you gather with them twice a week to play while your partner enjoys their hobby separately. You come back together both feeling satisfied and ready to devote time to each other.
4. Romance is key to a successful relationship.
This is partially true! Romantic love is key to a successful relationship, but it is not the only component that matters. Friendship, empathy, and respect, are also crucial parts of a successful partnership.
5. No matter what happens, my partner should still love me.
This myth might be the most dangerous one. It leads people to believe that they should love their partners even despite hateful, abusive, manipulative, and selfish behavior. These behaviors require accountability. It is healthy for your feelings (specifically love) toward your partner to reflect how deserving your partner is of that love, based on their behavior and treatment towards you. There is a big difference between occasional or regular disagreements with your parter, versus abusive mistreatment. If you believe that you may be in an abusive relationship, reach out to one of our trained therapists for a consultation.
6. If I’m not happy with my partner, I shouldn’t have to do nice things for them.
Sharing your life with someone means compromising at times. It also means showing up for your partner when that might not be your first choice (or even your seventh). But it doesn’t do any good to hold grudges. Grudge holding is far different from accountability. When you make thoughtful efforts in your relationship, your partner will likely reciprocate and want you to be as happy as they are, closing the cycle of good actions - and good feelings.
You also need to have clear, open, honest conversations on the topics you feel you can work on as a couple. Couples therapy is a opportunity for creating a safe space and building the skills required to express your feelings openly in your relationship.
7. A relationship is a 50/50 partnership.
Life takes unexpected turns, and we can’t expect our relationship to remain the same throughout. There will be times when one partner can give more to the partnership than the other. Then there will be times when it feels like the reverse. A simple example is household chores. If you try to split the tasks 50/50, it may not be reflective of each partner’s differing loads and ability to actually complete those tasks. When that is not considered in the equation of dispersing tasks, it can lead to resentment or a feeling of unreliability. Household chores are everyone’s responsibility, and if all contribute without keeping a tally in their mind, the relationship will be stronger and more successful. A successful relationship requires compromise in order to contribute to a shared life. It is not anyone else’s right to decide, judge, or criticize your choices and what works for you as a couple. You have to work as a team and discover what works for you and what doesn’t.
8. Couples should solve their problems on their own, rather than share them with other people.
If you and your partner are struggling and can’t see a way out of the conflict, there are many loving and professional people prepared to help you work through your relationship issues. It can be someone close to you, a friend or family member, or a professional who can bring in an objective perspective.
Small conflicts or misunderstandings can turn into heated arguments. Many partners will let their resentment towards their loved one grow and wait for them to figure out what they did wrong or what needs to change. Others might even think the solution is so obvious that they don’t express it to their partner, waiting for them to figure it out for themselves. When they don’t, the resentment keeps growing. Unfortunately, some couples keep their issues close and secret until it’s too late.
After reading these common relationship myths, ask yourself these questions:
Do you see the influence of these myths in your current relationship?
Where did you learn them? Who taught you these myths?
Is there something you feel you need to work on for the health and success of your relationship?
Begin couples therapy in Raleigh, NC.
We are here for you! If you found yourself agreeing with some of these concepts, or are struggling with the reality of your expectations within your relationship, our trained therapists offer couples therapy and are now accepting new clients.
At Your Journey Through therapy practice, we make couples counseling a safe space to process disagreements, grief and loss, in-law issues, infidelity, parenting discrepancies, financial stress, partner addiction, infertility, and other related concerns that can feel challenging to discuss without a trained therapist present to help you through it.
Consider scheduling a couples therapy appointment in our Raleigh or Wake Forest offices. We even offer virtual couples counseling sessions to make therapy more accessible with your busy schedule.
We provide a safe space for all couples- dating, married, life-partnered, and more- we are LGBTQI+ allied.
